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THE BOTTOM OF THINGS
By Michael Sampson
October 1, 2003
If I had a damn dollar for everytime I said, “Call me crazy,” I’d be a rich, crazy old bastard. I find myself starting sentence after sentence with the aformentioned phrase knowing I am, in actuality crazy, and anticipating the reaction of what I'm about to say. It also tends to cut down on the annoying question, "What are you, crazy?!" This goes on in my personal life, like when I say, "Honey, how's about we introduce this 19-year-old sorority girl named Amber into our love life?" And right here on this site, too. There was the I-don't-like-LORD-OF-THE-RINGS declaration that resulted in hate mail even Hitler would have been surprised to receive. Then again with my blatant dislike for another fanboy-adored trilogy that's thankthesweetLordalmighty coming to end this December, THE MATRIX. You'd think by know I'd have learned my lesson and stopped the insanity. Want people to stop thinking you're crazy? Stop saying crazy shit, right? Actually, I’m hoping some other rich, crazy old bastard will one day take me up on my dollar-for-an-insult offer and pony up that buck so here we go again. Call me crazy but…
…Jack Black just isn’t funny. In fact, I think he’s painfully UN-funny. I watch his performances and I get those uncomfortable squirms like watching your buddy get shot down in really horrific fashion but a hot chick. And I say “like watching your buddy” cause it’s not that I don’t like Jack Black - and trust me, there are plenty of people on my I Don’t Like list and I’d make no bones about adding Mr. Black to the ranks of Will Smith, the entire Washington Redskin organization and the lead singer from Creed - I do. Not as a comedian or an actor or as member of Tenacious D – ‘cause that’s when I don’t like him - but as a guy. He seems like a down-to-Earth, likeable, nice enough guy in person but when he gets up on that screen, big or small, tumbleweeds start blowing and crickets start chirping in the humor receptors in my brain.
What exactly am I missing here? I ask people all the time, "What's so funny about Jack Black?" The response is most often something to do about how he's channeling John Belushi in his prime or blah blah blah. Um...no. That's kind of insulting to a comedy legend. He's barely channeling Jim Belushi in his prime. He’s been one of those darlings of the media ever since his performance in HIGH FIDELITY (*cough*overrated*cough*) and even movies like SAVING SILVERMAN and SHALLOW HAL (the only Black performance I could stomach although unfortunately the movie wasn’t any better because of it) haven’t seemed to deter people. I will give him credit for this: he's obviously doing something right. It's wrong of me to say he's not funny. Because he is apparently funny to a lot of people (remember this as you're flaming me in e-mail telling me to rot in hell). Even after SAVING SILVERMAN he was offered a couple million to play a supporting role in ORANGE COUNTY. He's just not funny to me. I just don't get it. At all. Not even slightly.
They've always said that humor is a lot like porno (I think the original analogy was "erotica" but I'm using porno cause I relate to that a little easier). There are some types that generally appeal to everybody. Lesbian porn for example. There are some that appeal to a small minority. Like feet and stiletto heels. Then there's a subsection that appeals to about half the people. Like butt sex or something. No matter how hard you try to convince a lesbian guy that videos of a guy licking a woman's feet is sexy, it's never going to happen. It just doesn't turn him on. He likes beautiful naked women making out and tends to think foot worship and butt play is dirty, nasty stuff. Just his druthers, that's all. No need to send him nasty e-mails about it; he's just voicing his opinion about lesbian porn. This is, of course, just a hypothetical situation...
So if Jack Black is like third input, there's that section of people that love him and that section that just doesn't get it if you will. My point here is that even the people that love Jack Black and really seem to get his comedy, tend to understand there's a strong faction of people that understand it's a little bit out there.
Case in point: Great reviews that are coming in so far for Black's next film, SCHOOL OF ROCK. Most all critics, including our own Jeff Wells, are saying the film is a winning, if a tad formulaic, comedy, that’s the perfect outlet for Black’s skills - those skills being described as acting like an “obnoxious” and “hyper-active” (their words, not mine) goofball. And a lot of the reviews I’ve read so far (including non-published man-on-the-street-type thoughts from people who've seen the film) tend to include the notion that you’ll like the film “if you like Jack Black” and his shtick. That seems to imply to me that even the people who like him and the film have cause to believe there will be a significant portion of the audience who won’t like it. It’s almost as if people understand that Black’s antics are grating, annoying and yes, a bit obnoxious but can't bring themselves to say it.
Why would you feel the need to postscript your comments about a movie with something like "if you like Jack Black" unless you feel that there are a significant group of people who don't like Jack Black. I just saw RUNAWAY JURY a few weeks ago and when talking with people afterwards, no one came up to me and said, "That was a good movie...if you like John Cusack." That's cause people generally LIKE John Cusack. While I'm sure there are a few people out there who don't, I'm sure they're very few and far between. John Cusack doesn't quite rub you the wrong way as Black tends to do. Black requires a comedy warning like a "parental discretion" label on CDs. "Warning: This movie will only be funny if you like Jack Black."
Black has a very abrasive sense of humor that, to put it nicely, is an acquired taste. It's like Jagermeister - you really need to get past the awful taste to find something to like about it. (OK, now I've compared Jack Black to both anal sex and Jager...never thought that would happen in one of my columns.) To me, his characters are never very likeable, in part because Black is always acting like an ass. His only muted performance to date, in SHALLOW HAL, was digestable but Black has since returned to his scenery-chewing ways, amping up the manic Robin Williams-meets-Keith Moon routine until you just want to put cottonballs in your ears and Drano in your eyes.
I'm sure the question I'll get asked most in e-mail, after being accused of lacking a sense of humor, is, "So who exactly do you think is so damn funny?" Well, I’m a big fan of Will Ferrell and I’ll never make any bones about it. There are certainly people who, unlike Jack Black, just can make me laugh without even really trying to be funny. Steve Martin is one of those guys. Chris Rock is another. Will Ferrell is going to be a huge Bill Murray-esque star in a couple years and he deserves every ounce of fame. CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM is hilarious. So is THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW. And of course, THE SIMPSONS. Ben Stiller is funny and I was actually looking forward to ENVY, hoping some of Stiller's appeal and likeability would rub off on him.
See, like I said before, I don't NOT like Jack Black. I just don't think he's funny. And it doesn't bring me any joy to not think he's funny. I don't enjoy sitting here going off on him to piss readers off. I don't like being the outsider looking in (again). I'd love to laugh along with you to that new Tenacious D album. I'd love to wait on line to see SCHOOL OF ROCK together. Maybe I'm just really slow on the uptake "acquiring" Black's sense of humor. But I see bits like his routine on the Conan O'Brien 10th Anniversary Special and NBC's "Night of Too Many Stars" and I can't even bring myself to chuckle. I wish the guy the best I do. And I don't think he even needs my wishes cause he's doing pretty well for himself. I'll go see SCHOOL OF ROCK for no other reason than people can't stop telling me how good it is and I'm hoping I come out of it completely won over. Maybe then I'll go out and get myself a copy of HIGH FIDELITY, a shot of Jager and "Filthy Ass Fuckers, Volume 12." Until then it's "Lesbian Sorority Girls" for me.
P.S. - I figured I'd address all the anticipated hate mail here real quick saving me a lot of time later.
- No, I don't think I'm very funny myself;
- Yes, I'm an idiot;
- No, I'm not going to stop writing for the site;
- I don't know who I think I am; and,
- Hey, leave my mother out of this!
Now bring it on.
COMING SOON: Bottom in New Orleans, thoughts on RUNAWAY JURY and my chat with Dustin Hoffman, Gene Hackman, John Cusack and Rachel Weisz, Stash Bash coverage, Tarantino speaks, TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and more!
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