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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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GAME ON!

By Ian Bonds

October 14th, 2005

Intros are for suckers. I’ve had horrible writer’s block all week, so no intro this time, just game reviews. Not like anyone reads these bits at the beginning and end of my columns anyway…I tend to ramble. So, less rambling, more reviewing this week. Ready…go!

DAWN OF THE DEAD

Anyone who knows me knows what a huge CASTLEVANIA fan I am. When I heard that the next entry in the series was coming to the Nintendo DS, I was elated. When I found out that it would be a sequel to 2003s ARIA OF SORROW, I was even happier, as that was probably the most satisfying handheld CASTLEVANIA games ever, and the first CASTLEVANIA I reviewed for this column. Now, finally, DAWN OF SORROW has been released, and it’s as good as its predecessor, if not better than ever.

Picking up one year after the events of the previous portable title, Soma Cruz, the reincarnated essence of Dracula must now stop a cult that wishes to destroy his body to unleash the evil spirit within him and bring back the Darkness in a new host. Along the way, you’ll pick up more souls from your defeated enemies as before, but now there’s a whole new element to these powers, and a few new tricks made possible with the DS’s unique set-up.

For starters, collecting multiples of the same soul-type will eventually increase that soul’s power. It varies from each soul, but upgrading these powers can be very beneficial for your attacks. Also, you can utilize the souls to upgrade your weapons as well, making them stronger and dealing out more damage than before. There’s also the Magic Seals
you collect, which are used to open doors, but more importantly, defeat boss creatures. After depleting the boss’s health all the way, the Magic Seal appears on the touch screen. Trace the path of the seal to finish of the monster. It’s a cool little touch that works well on the DS, but it’s one of the only times you use the touch screen, other than another power that allows you to shatter ice blocks by tapping them on the screen.

Still, the dual screens are ideal for this type of game, and especially this series. The action is presented on the bottom touch screen, and the top non-interactive screen displays your map. In a game like CASTLEVANIA which features such a huge castle to trek through, this the most helpful use of the screens yet. In fact, in playing my old GBA CASTLEVANIA games, I wish they had that feature as well. As for the rest of the game, control remains similar to the previous game, but special moves are spread out around the buttons, and you can actually switch between two different equip sets (once you unlock the power to do so) in order to keep a few more often used powers handy. The gameplay is still as stellar as before, and veterans and new fans alike will have no problem picking up the title. Keeping the expansive world map style used in SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT and the RPG-esque weapons and outfits from the previous GBA version lock this game into “must play” status.

Graphically, the game is presented quite well on the DS, retaining most of the visual look of the game and series, but updating many textures and creature designs for more detail. The anime style used for this game is different from the previous entries in the series, but it doesn’t hurt the overall feel (and the gorgeous anime cut-scene before you begin the game is just awesome to watch).

There’re even some wireless multiplayer features too. Aside from being able to trade souls that you’ve collected with friends, there’s also a versus mode, where two players attempt to complete a pre-designed map in the quickest time using the souls they’ve unlocked in the main game. Sure, it’s not a must-play feature, but it’s a cool diversion none the less.

I honestly can find no fault with this game, other than to say I wish there were more sues for the touch screen. However, with a game this fantastic to play, that doesn’t really make much of a difference. The action is well paced and always offers up some new fresh foe to drop your jaw, and some of the creatures you encounter are brand new to the series. If this is a sign of things to come, I can’t wait for the next console incarnation of the series, just one month away. For now, though, I’ll keep losing myself in this fantastic game.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

OH, KAY

Cartoon animals acting like humans always seem to make for interesting video game subjects. Often, their animal personas added to human characteristics enable some very creative storytelling and gameplay. With THE LEGEND OF KAY, out now for PS2, that’s only about half true.

Kay is an annoying, immature young cat, who aspires to free his village from the tyranny of its oppressive overlords, the rats and gorillas. He trains martial arts and sword use, and ventures out to learn the truth behind why they have overtaken his town. Along the way he rescues neighboring rabbits, and other such creatures along his journey. Unfortunately, Kay is such a braggart that he’s hard to like as a hero. You want to help the needy, but only if you don’t have to listen to Kay whine and blather on in his prepubescent voice.

Thankfully, the gameplay saves the game. Kay uses his sword, hammer and claws to dispatch his foes with a variety of simple yet effective combos. The control is fairly basic, but intuitive, and players will be able to execute powerful moves with little effort. The game itself lends much to games like ZELDA and MAXIMO, but with a way of traveling around battles with a speedy combo-raising maneuver that links hits together while you fly from one foe to another. The action is really infectious, and the plight of
these fuzzy beings is enough to keep one continuing through the surprisingly lengthy quest. Sure, there’s the occasional fetch-quest task, but you won’t mind with such a healthy array of moves and abilities for the weapons you acquire.

Still, the horrendous voice acting detracts a bit. A ninja cat is one thing, and warlike gorillas another. But when they sound like rejects from a children’s production of The Wind in the Willows, they tend to pull you out of the story. The visuals are colorful and vibrant enough to convey the message, so inhuman animal noises such as meows and ape grunts would have worked fine.

Bottom line is, get it for the gameplay, turn off the voices, and turn on the subtitles. You could probably read it aloud better yourself anyway.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

RETRO GAMES OF THE WEEK

Classic gaming is making a comeback in a big way. Collections of old favorites are suddenly becoming more abundant, and I couldn’t be happier. Two such cases of awesomeness come in the forms of MIDWAY ARCADE TREASURES 3 and CAPCOM CLASSICS COLLECTION, both out now for PS2 and Xbox. The Midway collection joins together 8 racing classics from the publisher, including RUSH THE ROCK, SUPER OFF ROAD and old favorites like S.T.U.N. RUNNER and BADLANDS. The title is a bit misleading, however, as the two best titles, SAN FRANCISCO RUSH 2049 and HYDRO THUNDER are actually ports of the fantastic Dreamcast emulations, which include all the spectacular multiplayer options. Steering wheel and System Link support would be nice for some of the titles (since multiplayer doesn’t work on a few
in the collection due to the multiplayer being achieved in the arcades by connecting two separate cabinets together) but as a whole, for arcade race fans, this is a fine selection of games.

The Capcom collection, however, is simply outstanding. 22 classics from the publisher’s heyday in the arcades, including BIONIC COMMANDO, MERCS, LEGENDARY WINGS and my personal favorite FINAL FIGHT, all arcade perfect and completely uncut (the NES version of BIONIC COMMANDO is quite different and longer, and the home versions of FINAL FIGHT were unable to include one of the playable characters, as well as omitting the female villains from the game). There’re even three versions of STREET FIGHTER II, as well as all three games in the so-damn-tough-it’s-near-impossible GHOULS AND GHOSTS series. Just based on this, both of these collections are twenty dollars very well spent.

One Gamer’s Opinion: (MIDWAY ARCADE TREASURES 3)

One Gamer’s Opinion: (CAPCOM CLASSICS COLLECTION)

Ah, remember what I said earlier about intros? Same goes for outros. Next week I’ll be reviewing WORMS 4: MAYHEM and DEVIL KINGS, and maybe some other stuff. Come back, it’ll be fun.

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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