During the past month or so, every time I visited my local comic shop for my weekly fix, I’ve felt a weird sense of déjà vu; and not in a good way. When I looked at the new releases, I’d see the Ghost of Comics Past jumping in my face in a style that probably very similar to OJ trying to “Juice” clueless people on the street in his new direct-to-DVD showcase. By the way, Ghost, get a breath mint, man. Your halitosis was kicking last Wednesday. Now, think back to those thrilling days of yesteryear when things like multiple variant covers, fifty #1 issues every week and something like a twenty-comic crossover that was only dedicated to a single superhero or team were the norm? Don’t look now, dear readers; but those same irritating problems that plagued comics in the 90’s are back worse that those noisy Cicadas that have invaded my precious neighborhood.

Have the people who make all of the creative decisions in my beloved comics decided to go back to the time when many readers, myself included, decided to stop reading comic books entirely due to their greedy manipulations? WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? DO THEY REALLY WANT TO KILL THIS INDUSTRY? DOES ANYONE CARE? HAVE I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY CAPS LOCK ON? Oops, sorry about that.

So, in the spirit of that new lame “I Love the ‘90s” show, let’s rehash some of the things that made early '90s comic scene begin its downward spiral:

(Speaking of which, am I the only one who thinks that it too early to do a goofy pop culture retrospective on the ‘90s? I thought that the standard rule of thumb when making these shows was that there had to be at least a two decade grace period. I’m sorry but the images of having racing stripes shaved into the side of my head in college, wearing more flannel than any one person should wear, driving the old Escort GT (the broke college kid’s version of a sports car) and suffering through Ricky Martin’s career flameout are still too fresh in my mind and would open too many old wounds to revisit. But if VH1 knocked on my door and asked me to me do the show, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat. Hypocrite? Damn straight, brother.)

Variant Covers/Chase Variant Covers – This subject should be the number one reason for the insane speculator frenzy that took over the comics industry during the early '90s. Remember when there were five different covers to Jim Lee’s X-Men #1? Seems long ago, doesn’t it? But when Marvel recently released Joss Wheldon & John Cassady’s Astonishing X-Men #1, there were like three different covers; one being a low-printed “chase” variant which somehow a number of them have found their way to the new leader of pricing comics, eBay, with minimum bids of $40. Shocking, I know.

But that example is not the only instance of capitalizing on a hot creator. In this year alone, titles like Superman/Batman (with a retailer-exclusive variant), Superman (#205 had a Michael Turner variant), Batman (another retailer incentive and two gateway covers and one newsstand cover for the final Jim Lee issue) as well as books outside of the Big Two like Conan (Dark Horse), Wildguard: Casting Call (Image) and CSI: Crime Scene Investigators (IDW) all offered variant covers to the buying public. I truly feel sad for those people who are completists since they’re paying two to four times, in some instances, just to fulfill the run. The speculators who are profiting off of this stuff? I say “Screw ‘em!” They’re totally unnecessary and should be pimp-slapped. Repeatedly. With a cane. I’m that serious.

Multiple Comic Crossovers – Man, if the variant covers didn’t put me into debt back in the '90s, these multiple issue crossovers over different titles sure did. The major offenders during this time: “The Death of Superman”, X-Men (who would crossover with Spider-Man, The New Warriors and the rest of the X-books; all within two years of each other) and the whole “Knightfall”/“Knights End”/”Batman: Prodigal” saga.

Funny what a difference a little over ten years makes as what’s the big Batman story coming up this year? “Batman: War Games” which includes eight of the Bat-centric titles. And this is no less than two years after the Bat-book’s last big crossover “Batman: Fugitive”/”Batman: Murderer” story arc. Then, there’s the whole “Avengers Disassembled” story tearing through six titles right now. But, what’s the most irritating thing about these huge crossovers? It’s the fact that you have to pick up issues that you don’t normally collect done by creators that you probably don’t like just to finish a damn story arc. No wonder, I’m becoming a proponent of the “Waiting for the Trade” movement. At least that way, you’re only screwed one time, not on a monthly basis.

The too many books for one character/team syndrome – Or what I affectionately call it, “X-menitis”. Here’s another reason why I left comics in the early ‘90s. It was so bad that I had to resort to donating my blood for cash just to be able to collect all of the X-books that were coming out each week. No joke, pal. Not including other titles and X-minis, I was reading the monthly titles of the Uncanny X-Men, X-Men, Excalibur, X-Force, Cable, Wolverine and X-Factor. Seemed like overkill at the time to me.

Well, turn the page to this year and guess how many X-books are there? Well, let’s see. If you count only the team books, you’d get: Astonishing X-Men, Uncanny X-Men, X-Men, Excalibur, New X-Men, Exlies, Weapon X and District X. By my count, that’s eight monthlies. If you add the other X-related books like Emma Frost, Mystique, Wolverine, NYX and the regular smattering of X-minis, you’re seeing more Xs than J-Lo. And that’s just plain sick. Not to mentions possibly contagious. I just hope that it’s not infected.

It was once said that those who do not learn from their history are doomed to repeat it. While that wisdom may have held true for my freshman high school history class, I hope that the comic book industry doesn’t turn up in a sad state of affairs like I did that summer: wishing I was outside, cruising chicks and suckin’ face. Or something like that. Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

Now for some Uncensored Reactions to some of this week’s upcoming books:

X-Men #156 – Haven’t read this title since the whole Warren Ellis reboot debacle. This ish feels like it is trying to change some of the story lines from Grant Morrison’s New X-Men run. Ugh... When did TRON join this merry band of mutants? What? That’s Havok? Okay... Now, Juggernaut’s good? Did I miss something? Must put book down; feel a severe ice cream headache coming.

Amazing Spider-Man #508 – This is the conclusion of the whole Ezekiel storyline that JMS started when he first started writing the title. Some good stuff going on here. Unfortunately, this is the last John Romita, Jr. issue for awhile so take it all in while you still have the chance.







Wolverine #16 – Part three of the Native storyline or what it should be termed, “Giving Some Hot Freaky Feral Loving for Wolverine”. Rucka and Robertson team up well again. Really can’t pass on this one.

Wolverine: The End #4 – Is this still going on? The lengths of these The End series are so varied; Marvel should’ve standardized them. Why should the Hulk and Punisher only have a one-shot while Wolvie gets a long mini? Definitely, wait for the trade on this one…or maybe not.

Daredevil #61 – Looks like this issue is still recovering from the conclusion of DD as Kingpin. As things usually go with Bendis’ books, if you love lengthy conversations between characters, this is for you (and me). Oh, and an appearance by probably the sexiest Marvel redhead this side of MJ. And she’s in fishnets. Hoochie Mama!

That's it for this week. I'll catch ya in two.

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