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This Week's Sermon - Tops of the Pops

By Britt Schramm

August 23, 2004

There always seems to be a comic book lull after Wizard World Chicago. I really cannot explain it because the Con season is still active with the relatively new Baltimore Comic-Con and the always entertaining Small Press Expo in the next couple of months. But it just seems like things slow down news wise after Chicago; almost like the intoxicating buzz of over-hyped comic fanboys’ dreams are conserving their energy for next year.

Breaking News: It looks like there’s still a migraine-inducing hangover buzz in the air kinda like a really late night out with Frank Miller. For those who haven’t read the latest Con reports, it seems that my boy, Brian Michael Bendis, otherwise known as just the singular Bendis, has stirred up a hornet’s nest by trying to get a Batman/DD crossover published by appealing to the buying public during his panel at Wizard World Chicago. (OK, it’s not like Bendis and I are pals or even know each other but Bendis’ personality seems so grounded, he writes a pretty good comic book and he speaks his mind. Plus he loves his xBox. That fact right there tells you that he’s my boy if not in the flesh but at least in spirit.)

Of course, the corporate bigwigs on either side, both of whom made their presence known at this panel, emphatically stated that it’s not gonna happen in the near future since each side has a violent distain for the other. All of a sudden, this nice Con panel turned into a WWE house show. From what I have gathered, some of the exchanges were so heated that we should’ve sent the 'Shoot's own Scott Bowden to cover the panel.

My point is that this venomous contention between the two companies is more out of control than the hatred between the Yanks and the Sox or the Hatfields and the McCoys and that noise should be killed real quick. I know that a few bucks here or there mean the difference between being profitable or filing for bankruptcy. But basically, comics are an artistic commodity and the tenuous string that the comics industry is grasping onto right now is getting slimmer by the day. This really isn’t the time for spiteful bad blood, no matter if the bile is coming from the Joe & Bill circus from a couple of years ago or from the Bob & Paul show that’s going on right now.

Hey, DC and Marvel; please, for the love of Pete, stop the sniping, try to get past this insane rivalry and make this crossover happen. I mean, neither of you are seeing the Pennant slipping away to the detestable sluggers from New Yawk. Now, that’s something to channel your hate towards.

If you want to read Bendis’ response to the panel fiasco, just click right here. Now, back to your regularly scheduled column.

So, to combat this dulling of the buzz, I’ve decided to spice things up with an always reliable and “extremely controversial” Best Of list. Now, since I usually do a “Thanks” list around Thanksgiving (hey, something for the people of the ‘Shoot to look forward to; Yay!), this list will not be about comic books at all, per se. With the unbelievable number of comic book movies that are coming out these days, there’s a list of untapped potential out there for both discussion and dissection. Therefore, this column will be focused on the ever powerful movie-related tie-in, the comic book music soundtrack.

Just like the Grammys, there is a cutoff date for inclusion on this list which was January 2004 (due to numerous economic factors that prevented me from buying any of this year’s current crop of soundtracks and the fact that none of them looked like they could make the cut). So, if you’re scoring this thing at home, CDs from such box office sluggers like Spider-Man 2 and Hellboy as well as cinema stinkers like Punisher and Catwoman (if there even was one) were not up for consideration. So, here are the contributing factors that I used to determine the first official Preachin’ From the Longbox list:

• Quality of recording talent (out of 10): Nothing is worse than buying a compilation or soundtrack and only knowing two of the artists on the CD. Not that I’m against bring new/undiscovered artists on a big time CD but with the money that is thrown around when a movie is being made, once in a while it would be nice to see some of it going towards the signing of big name musicians.
• Inventiveness (out of 10): Most of the time, soundtracks are probably the safest form of CD release (except for Yanni & Celine but those two one-named personas are jokes unto themselves). Sprinkle some “hot” groups or singers, mark out some possible singles, add a power ballad that will get all older folks interested and package it in a pretty jewel case. This category is for those soundtracks that carve out their own path and try to think outside their own paradigm (Sorry for that cliché. I hafta stop watching those damn Tony Robbins infomercials. Or is it those Angus Diet BK commercials? Man, now I’m hungry and need to find my Inner Power. Great.)
• Strength/Originality of individual songs (out of 5): I absolutely hate soundtracks that just use previously released material by popular groups and throw them together to get a quickly produced soundtrack. Who wants to buy a soundtrack with songs that they already have in their possession? That makes so mad that I’m ready to call out Bendis, Joey Da Q and Bob Wayne for a Chairs and Ladders triple threat match with no DQs and best out of three falls. Who’s with me?
• Replayability (out of 10): Remember back in the days before the Loggins wunderkind was ripping out Caddyshack, Top Gun and Footloose songs left and right(for those younger than 25, please bear with me), soundtracks would normally contain a couple of songs that the music labels would try to push and the rest would be just be one big crapfest. Can I tell you how much I hate that? If the studio and/or label are going to put the time into making a good CD, the least they could do is make it listenable from beginning to end. Is that really too much to ask for?
• Timelessness (out of 5): It’s tough to compile a modern day CD without sounding somewhat tied to the time when the movie was created. But that’s no excuse for putting One-Hit wonders making trendy music on the soundtrack disc. (Hello, Smash Mouth!) If I’m going to invest some coin into a soundtrack, I should be able to pop it in a CD player ten years later and still listen to it without saying, “My god, what the hell was I thinking when I bought this? I hate the friggin’ (insert decade or genre here). Well, there’s another one to throw onto the pile to sell to SecondSpin.com for a whole fifty cents. Bastards!”
• Overall CD contents (out of 10): This category reflects another pet peeve of mine. Since making a CD is pretty cheap, it’s always nice to see some money put towards the whole look and feel of the thing. You know, like the CD insert that has more than just a repeat of the track listing that’s on the back of the jewel case. Or the producer arranges the songs in some sort of logical order so it doesn’t seem disjointed. For me, the little things can sometimes make or break a CD.

Note: All scores listed below are the best out of a possible 50 total points and were scored by me and me alone.

But first, here are a couple of CDs that didn’t make the cut but are still very listenable:

Superman Original Motion Picture Score (1976) – John Williams of Star Wars fame crafted another great theme song which has influenced almost all of the later Superman themes except for Smallville. However, significant deductions were given for the insipid “Can You Read My Mind?” song. If I was Superman carrying Lois over the city and heard that song, she would’ve been sidewalk pizza without a doubt.









PftL Scores:

Quality – 8, Inventiveness – 5, Strength – 3, Replayability – 3, Timelessness – 4; Contents – 6


Total – 29


Batman Returns Original Motion Picture Score (1992) – Any superhero movie with a song by Siouxie & The Banshees gets extra credit in my book but most of this movie's orchestral score seem to be very similar to the first one. Yawn...









PftL Score:

Quality – 6, Inventiveness – 6, Strength – 3, Replayability – 4, Timelessness – 3; Contents – 6


Total – 28

The Top 5 Best Comic Book Soundtracks

1. #5 - Spawn (1997)

   Another good soundtrack form a bad movie. Bad movies are fertile ground for good soundtracks, I guess, as this CD was one of those that bucked the standard soundtrack layout and went for a trendsetting Electronic/Rock hybrid. Hearing rock/hard rock/metal groups trying to jam with electronic acts is very interesting to hear; even if half of the songs don’t actually jell that well. Highlights on this disc are like Filter and The Crystal Method’s “(Can’t You) Trip Like I Do”, Korn and The Dust Brothers’ “Kick The P.A.”, Prodigy and Tom Morello (of Rage Against The Machine)’s “One Man Army” and Slayer and Atari Teenage Riot’s “No Remorse (I Wanna Die)”. A couple of dead tracks are Butthole Surfers and Moby, Incubus and DJ Greyboy, and Silverchair and Vitro’s title track. And don’t get me started on the screwed up mix-up by DJ Spooky on Metallica’s classic “For Whom The Bell Tolls (The Irony of It All)”. Negative points were given due to the multiple “covers” to the liner notes (One with the regular Spawn profile, a variant cover drawn by Todd McFarlane and a third with Spawn in a Santa hat. Of course, leave it to a movie based on an Image comic to have multiple covers).

   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 8, Inventiveness – 9, Strength – 3, Replayability – 4, Timelessness – 3; Contents – 6

   
   Total – 30

   
   
   

2. #4 - Batman Original Motion Picture Score (1989)

   This is the classic modern day score that has been copied by all other superhero movies/TV shows since its inception, right down to its moodiness. Except for Teen Titans but that’s more of a happy hybrid anime show so it really doesn’t count. Sometimes even its own creator lifts a couple of pages from it. Some say that Danny Elfman, after scoring Edward Scissorhands and this movie, pigeonholed his style and never deviated from it. After listening to a couple of his other works, I would tend to be in the same school of thought. But this CD is worth having not only for the probably best theme song out there (or at the very least tied with the Superman theme from Superman I) but for hearing two attempts of Elfman trying to work Prince’s crappy ballad “Scandalous” into his compositions. At least, the attempts sound better than the originals (more on that later). It’s also great to have playing in the background while you’re doing other stuff like reading a good comic (the recently traded Flash: Blitz comes to mind), taking a nap with your son or writing a column for the Shoot.

   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 8, Inventiveness – 7, Strength – 4, Replayability – 3, Timelessness – 5; Contents – 6

   
   Total – 33

   
   

3. #3 - The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

   This CD just blisters right at the get go with Hole’s cover of the Mac’s “Gold Dust Woman” and follows it up with Zombie’s excellent interpretation of KC and the Sunshine Band’s “I’m Your Boogieman”. There are decent tracks from Deftones, Filter, Bush, Korn, Toadies, Iggy Pop and PJ Harvey, who along with Danny Elfman and Graeme Revell are comic book soundtrack stalwarts. There is even a Trip Hop/Hip Hop combo with Tricky and The Gravediggers that comes off better than expected. Bonus points were given for the inclusion of a nice mini-comic adaptation of the movie with a “cover” by Tim Bradstreet. A couple of slips with songs by artists I never heard of like Pet, NY Loose and Linda Perry. Despite those minor slips, this is really a great CD and is worth owning. Too bad the same can’t be said of the movie which made Tank Girl almost bearable. I said almost.

   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 8, Inventiveness – 6, Strength – 4, Replayability – 6, Timelessness – 4; Contents – 8

   
   Total – 36

   
   

4. #2 - Batman Forever (1995)

   The soundtrack from the infamous movie that brought me back into the comics world. And really it’s not a bad selection of artists and songs. There’s a song that would’ve won the Oscar for best song from a movie except for the fact that is was previously released prior to the movie’s opening weekend (“Kiss from a Rose” by Seal). U2 returned somewhat to their old rocking form with “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me”. Hidden gems like Nick Cave’s eerily mainstream-sounding “There Is A Light”, Sunny Day Real Estate’s energetic emo-like “8”, and Eddi Reader’s subtle “Nobody Lives Without Love” really shine. Tunes by Brandy, the Offspring and Flaming Lips hold their own; even though they’re not the best examples of their music catalog. The only misstep on this CD is the late Michael Hutchence covering Iggy Pop’s “The Passenger”. It’s really not a great interpretation as it’s a tad slower and the lyrics seem garbled when they were sung. With only that one flaw, this is one CD that if you don’t have, you’re missing out.

   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 8, Inventiveness – 6, Strength – 4, Replayability – 8, Timelessness – 5; Contents – 7

   
   Total – 38

   
   

5. #1 - The Crow (1994)

   The current standard to which all other current superhero soundtracks model themselves after as this CD proved the financial pull that the Alternative genre could be as main contributors on soundtracks. It had a killer hit song (“Big Empty” by STP before Weiland started being smacked out all of the time), upcoming alternative artists (Nine Inch Nails, Rage, Pantera, Helmet) and old skool groups (Cure, Violent Femmes, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, Jesus and the Mary Chain and Rollins Band). But specifically, I remember when I first saw this movie and heard the NIN cover of Joy Division’s “Dead Souls” as the late Brandon Lee was jumping from rooftop to rooftop. The song seemed deeper than just a mood setter. For me, it actually became part of the movie. Every time I hear that song, it always brings me back to that exact point in the movie. Not many movie songs do that for me. This CD is a must for every collection.

   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 9, Inventiveness – 7, Strength – 4, Replayability – 7, Timelessness – 5; Contents – 8

   
   Total – 40

OK, you’ve gotten the good news. Now it’s time for the bad. Not all of these movie soundtracks based on comic books are destined to be great polycarbonate discs of aural pleasure. So, here are the lowest of the low; the bottom of the food chain; the have nots. Here are the five worst Comic Book Soundtracks ever to be burned.

The 5 Worst Comic Book Soundtracks

1. #5 - Daredevil (2003)

   This is just the stereotypical cookie cutter '90s Alt-Rock soundtrack. There’s nothing all that bad on the disc but nothing that really stands out as more than what it is. However, this CD did launch the career of a decent band, Evanesance. Overall, I feel more indifference than anything else.

   
   
   
   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 6, Inventiveness – 4, Strength – 3, Replayability – 3, Timelessness – 3; Contents – 6

   
   Total – 25

   
   

2. #4 - Batman (1989)

   This is not my type of Batman music. Prince must’ve thought his CD was about Adam West’s version. I mean, "Bat-dance," puhlease. The whole CD was way too campy for movie’s darker tone. The less that is said about this CD, the better. To me, it doesn’t even exist and you can’t prove it to me otherwise.

   
   
   
   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 7, Inventiveness – 4, Strength – 2, Replayability – 3, Timelessness – 3; Contents – 4

   
   Total – 24

   
   

3. #3 - The Mask (1994)

   A very dated soundtrack with an odd concoction of swing music (Remember Royal Crown Revue? Didn't think so.) and '90s R&B with a splash of Harry Connick, Jr. It's very disjointed. Plus, hearing Jim Carrey sing “Cuban Pete” makes me wonder if Bill Shatner ever thought, “He might be good enough to duet with me on my new remake of ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’”?

   
   
   
   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 5, Inventiveness – 5, Strength – 3, Replayability – 2, Timelessness – 2; Contents – 6

   
   Total – 23

   
   

4. #2 - Spider-Man (2002)

   There’s only one good song only (“Hero” by Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott). The rest of the songs are a mismatched collection of Alt-Rock songs and weak efforts by the trendy acts of the time (The Strokes, Pete Yorn, and The Hives). And someone, please tell Aerosmith that if they’re going to do soundtracks, please stick to what they know. Trying to cover the old '60s theme song only works for The Ramones.

   
   
   
   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 4, Inventiveness – 2, Strength – 2, Replayability – 4, Timelessness – 3; Contents – 5

   
   Total – 20

   
   

5. #1 - Batman & Robin (1997)

   The quintessential bad soundtrack to an even worse movie. R. Kelly tries to morph “I Believe I Can Fly” into “Gotham City” without any success. There are two lame Smashing Pumpkins songs that are really just one song with different lyrics. REM sounds like they’re just going through the motions. Me’Shell Ndegeocello fails to improve on Corky's (from LIFE GOES ON) version of “Poison Ivy." Jewel’s hit “Foolish Games” seems out of place. There not really one song that I could recommend. Unless someone forced me by tying me to a bed of nails and playing the movie in an infinite loop until I lose all sense of perception. But only then.

   
   
   
   PftL Scores:

   Quality – 4, Inventiveness – 2, Strength – 1, Replayability – 3, Timelessness – 2; Contents – 4

   
   Total – 16

And there you have it. The inaugural Preachin’ From the Longbox list has come to an end. Actually, I liked compiling this list more than I thought that I would. So, it’s probably a safe bet that you’ll see another PftL list in the very near future. However, since this week's column ran long this time, there will not be an Uncensored Reactions to This Week’s Upcoming Books section. But, since I love looking out for you guys, I do have a couple of follow-up news pieces from previous PftL columns:

• From PftL #2 - DC has created its own Manga line. Hey, guys, I said that the superheroes need help not more competition. Well I guess DC figured if they can’t make any headway on the bookshelves with their current trade paperback catalog, they might as well join ‘em. So far, the line doesn’t look too different than what’s out there. I have a feeling that this line will find the similar destination that Epic at Marvel did; six feet under.
• From PftL #3 - By the time you finish reading this extremely lengthy edition of PftL, the NASCAR race at Michigan with the Justice League paint schemes will be over. So, in retrospect, here are a couple of things during this promotion that you may have missed.
  • There’s a web comic called The Pits which is hilarious. But, if you don’t get the jokes, just ask your NASCAR fan. Don’t be scared; they’re cool. Here’s an example:

    You see what I'm saying? Comedy gold, I'm telling ya.

  • Also, if you’re not getting any local Michigan feeds, you probably haven’t seen the TV promo for the race. There’s no new animation shown; just clips from previous Justice League cartoons but still, it’s nice to see the characters exposed to the biggest growing fan base in the country. As for the race, the #17 car will hopefully pull out a victory. But either way, here’s to bye-bye to the Martian Manhunter scheme. It will not be missed.