Just because you probably don't hear or read it often enough, let me float this undeniable fact of life by you one more time...
You're gonna die.
Maybe not soon. Maybe years from now. And maybe it'll be one of those often-mused-about deaths in your sleep, or maybe it'll be at the business end of some motherfucker who was treated pretty badly as a child and feels it'd be therapeutic for him to pull your insides out through your asshole. Or maybe it'll be while you're on the bowl, like uber-producer Don Simpson (a great death, because it ensures folks will talk about you long after you're gone). But regardless, you're gonna die. And since giving up the ghost isn't easy or pleasant, it's gonna be horrible, just horrible. Death rattles. Loss of bladder or bowel control. Perhaps lots of blood. Gruesome. There's no beating it, either. It's inevitable.
You can deal with your impending doom in self-destructive ways - like shooting the 'ron, getting whacked-out on all manner of mind-numbing pharmaceuticals. Or you can fuck yourself into oblivion, blowing wad after wad (or, for you ladies out there with hair-trigger lovers, faking blowing wad after wad) again and again in an effort to stave off the Reaper, as if he was a Right Winger that can't deal with the sight of a naked boobie. You can bury yourself in religion or spirituality, and maybe Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Yahweh, the Mormon Dude, or Satan can help you come to grips with shuffling loose the mortal coil.
Or you can follow entertainment news.
Because that's all entertainment news is, isn't it - a distraction from the fact that your clock's ticking?
We read up on movies in production, devour info on the comics scene, want to know which DVDs are going to be
packed with extra goodies, follow music trends - just so we can forget, for a moment or two, that, when all's
said and done, the vast neurological repository of useless factoids we've carefully accumulated (via AIN'T IT COOL NEWS,
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, NEWSARAMA, BILLBOARD, etc.) will eventually shut down, along with the rest of our vital organs.
Nobody will ever cure cancer with the knowledge that 1989's BATMAN is finally gonna get the Special Edition
treatment. Folks don't get laid because they know that ROAD TO PERDITION is based on a Max Allan Collins comic book. So why bother reading up on this stuff? What's the use in staying abreast in the world of entertainment? It's gotta be because folks don't want to face their imminent demise.
Shit, that's the only reason I read any of this stuff.
So stop by and check out Movie Poop Shoot every day, for entertainment news, lengthy articles by our many opinionated columnists, comics, discussion, whatever you like. Read and weigh in on the updates; check the weekend grosses; get release dates and reviews of the latest comics, movies, CDs, DVDs; meet some new friends you may have inadvertently "fucked" once under an assumed identity while having cyber-sex elsewhere on the 'net. Sure - there's nothing new here that can't be found elsewhere at other sites. But we're trying to put it all under one banner, so I don't have to surf to a bunch of different places. Take advantage of my laze, and make the Poop Shoot something you enter every day (*giggle*), and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to suppress that nagging voice that keeps telling you there are more worthwhile things you can be doing with your life before it ends than reading this crap on a daily basis.
Movie Poop Shoot.
A good way to not so much cheat death, as to ignore it for a little while.
- Kevin Smith
Guy Who Pays the Bills and Came Up With the Startlingly Unoriginal Idea
6/15/02
SHOOT-BACK HERE!
