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ONE HAND CLAPPING
By Chris Ryall
March 7, 2005
Independent Spirit Awards
And the Award Goes to: Chris Ryall offers up Ten Reasons Why the Independent Spirit Awards Are Better Than the Oscars; plus, THE BRADY BUNCH on DVD
Last weekend, I attended the Independent Spirit Awards on Saturday afternoon and then watched the Oscars (on TV—no two trips to LA in one weekend, thankfully). And in spending hours of my weekend checking out both big awards shows, some things became clear in my head. We all know that the Oscars is treated as the most dignified (read: important) award of all, but for the viewing audience, well, it’s just usually not all that much fun. Whereas the Independent Spirit Awards are all about fun. So it’s for that reason that I give to you now my Top Ten Reasons Why the Independent Spirit Awards Are More Fun Than the Oscars.
1. Better Location Scouts
I didn’t go to the Oscars, but I’ve been to enough events at the Kodak Theater at Hollywood and Highland to know that this area is, well, nowhere you want to drive yourself. Not that it’s a bad area—it’s quite nice, actually, right in the heart of Hollywood. But the complex just does not seem built to accommodate the traffic that these shows bring in. Which is odd, since that was the whole reason for building the place. But while the Oscars can mean that you’ll sit on Hollywood or Franklin for an hour, trying to move a block, the Independent Spirit Awards were held in a tent on the beach in Santa Monica. It was easy to get in and out of--well, I assume the latter part was true. We left a few hours after the show, since the after-party was next door, but there didn't look to be any huge traffic hassles for the people exiting early.
The entire Spirit Awards was set up on the beach, so you had people stargazing from the boardwalk as rollerbladers and joggers ran past, with waves in the background. It's tough to beat that for an awards show location.
2. No Pre-Show
I didn't catch IFC's broadcast of the Spirit Awards since I was there, but I never did see anyone like Star Jones or Richard Roeper or Billy Bush or Jann Carl roaming around like they were on the red carpet at the Oscards. I did get a chance to say "hi" in person to Roger Ebert, which was nice. Roger was nice enough to recently do a comprehensive interview with me--it's going to run here next week, and any of you who're aspiring movie reviewers might want to check it out. He had some really good tips. Roger was at the Spirit Awards to view the show, not interview people like he did at the Oscars. Although he's informed and has a good manner about him, so he was my choice of pre-show host on Sunday. Although I did flip around and catch Star Jones and Oprah complimenting each other over both being skinny ("Hi, skinny." "No, YOU'RE skinny"), which was enough to convince me to never, ever change the channel when Roger takes a commercial break. I'm still feeling the mental anguish of seeing that.
3. Celebs Gone Wild
Samuel L. Jackson hosted the Spirit Awards. Now, what's the one thing you want out of seeing Sam Jackson do anything? Right--you want to hear him say "FUCK." Same with Chris Rock, really, although Sam's use of the word is more commanding. Sam walked out--this show was being taped for air on IFC, so it wasn't as if it was just some private affair--and led with "fuck." And "shit." Just to show he could. Chris Rock... couldn't quite do that (or most anything that makes him Chris Rock).
It wasn't about the profanity as much as it was the freedom to just speak your mind. If you win an award and are excited, or are just funny as hell when not worried about working a little "blue" (Robin Williams), then the freedom to just say what you feel makes everything feel more genuine. I know this complaint is something that'll never change--the highly lucrative Oscars will never migrate to FX or something and leave the networks--but even still, it made for a more entertaining affair on Saturday. The more they can do to encourage genuine reactions during these stagey affairs, the better.
4. The SPIRITed Awards
By that same token, plying everyone with free drinks is a great way to get more candid speeches. Everyone in the main tent got a nice lunch and we all had bottles of wine and champagne around. This setting, with round tables of people who can chat with one another during breaks, makes the entire day feel more conversational and loose. At the Oscars, you sit in these theater seats and try not to cough or speak above a whisper. Yes, I know this setting adds to the show's "luster," since it feels more formal than a lunchtime awards show, but it can't be as much fun for the attendees.
Besides, it seems that Oscars producer Gil Cates is out to diminish the luster of the Oscars anyway, what with their format that rushed winners's acceptance speeches and, even more, the new class system for winners. But more on that in a little bit.
5. The speeches must go on
At the Spirit Awards, people talked until they finished talking--there was no insulting "playing people off music" or any such thing. And even with no real limits to the speeches (a fact that MARIA FULL OF GRACE writer/director Joshua Marston took to its extreme, with his long, rambling speech. But then again, he won a prestigious award in a field that's nearly impossible to enter, and on his first feature, yet. Let him ramble a little.), the show felt much shorter than the Oscars. Cutting seconds off of winners's speeches is only helpful if it means not everyone can thank their agents, their managers, and Harvey Weinstein. But when actors or directors have to plead with the show's producers to not play them off the stage until they finish, it's just demeaning, and painful for us to watch. Sure, if everyone was like Charlie Kaufman and just wanted to get off the stage as quickly as possible, the show would move along even faster. But let them talk--why is Jamie Foxx given all the time he wants but Alexander Payne isn't?
6. Songs for the Deaf
I don't mean this as any insult to Beyonce... okay, I lied. I do. Beyonce ruined the show for me. The Oscars usually features bad musical numbers as it is, since most of the nominated songs are usually dull as can be, but Beyonce singing three of the five songs? And one of them in French? And Antonio Banderas and heavy-handed Carlos Santana handling another, even though the actual person who sung the original was available (and better, as Jorge Drexler, the guy who sang the winning tune, "Al Otro Lado del Rio," proved when he accepted his statue for Best Original Song)? These were grueling to sit through.
And remember, I've seen Celine Dion, so I know fro grueling. If Beyonce isn't the reason a song was nominated, please, keep her off the stage. This argument that "the song was nominated, not the singer" is ludicrous. And if that's true, then why did we have to look at Adam Duritz's swollen mug when
You know what the musical numbers were at the Spirit Awards? Short little parody tunes that poked gentle fun at the five nominated Best Picture selections. One sung by Michelle Trachtenberg. One (well, I'll ignore the Megan Mullally one, much as I did that day) that featured Michael McKean singing a risque tune about KINSEY, with Annette O'Toole and Jane Lynch as his back-up singer/dancers, which was probably even funnier than it might sound. I appreciate Oscar music director Bill Conti's sentiment of using scores from departed composers throughout the show, but I think I'm maybe the 100th person to point out how odd it is to hear the theme from THE TERMINATOR play during a cinematographer's tribute to his dead mother. I should say that I thought Yo Yo Ma's piece played during the Slideshow of the Dead was suitably touching and appropriate.
7. No foregone conclusions
As much as there's no real guarantee that the front-runners will win their Oscar, I don't think anyone really thought Martin Scorsese would win Best Director honors when up against Clint, and I don't think SIDEWAYS ever had a shot for Best Picture. No wonder office Oscar pools always end up in a run-off; they're easy to predict, and never moreso than this year. But just try and guess who's going to win the various Spirit awards. Yeah, SIDEWAYS ran away with the main Spirit awards, but Zach Braff taking home the Best First Feature trophy? That was a nice surprise--the show had surprises throughout. The Oscars... well, I felt like that was the second time I'd seen the show, the winners were all so expected.
8. New Movies
I realize that a lot of people haven't seen MILLION DOLLAR BABY or even SIDEWAYS this year, but still, most of the movies and performances nominated for Oscars were not surprises. I'm sure no one said, "Clint Eastwood had a new movie out this year?" It'd be nice to think that these shows helped expose people to some new movies, rather than just bolstering the box office of the Best Picture nominees. At the Spirit Awards, movies like BAADASSSSS!, PRIMER, THE WOODSMAN, GARDEN STATE and other worthwhile pics all received nominations. If you haven't heard of some of those, well, that's one more reason why the Spirit Awards are good to witness--you leave there with a list of movies you need to track down and see.
9. Honor Thy Winners. ALL of Them.
These awards shows are, in general, a great little study of the levels of "haves" and "have-nots" that exist in Hollywood. Press are made to sit in another tent, or room, and your seat status is generally determined by your current "Q" rating. But only at this year's Oscars did they really make some of the winners feel less like winners. No matter what changes they make to the show, it's going to be a long, bloated affair (or at least feel like it, no matter its actual running time). So I think we can all sit for a few seconds longer to allow the winners of Best Short Film or other "lesser" (in the producers's eyes) awards actually take the stage and accept their long-coveted awards. Let them face this crowd of filmmakers and artists as equals, in artistic stature and merit if not in salary, for a few seconds, anyway. When people had to give their acceptance speech effectively from their seats, or at a mike a few feet away, their back turned to their peers and loved ones, it was just... sad. They work their entire lives to get to this stage, so let them take the actual stage. And I haven't even talked about the "beauty pageant" way that other nominees were treated, with every nominee taking the stage at the start and having to stand there like fools when the one winner among them was announced.
10. Santa Monica, Where the Air is Lighter
I know the Oscars are all about pomp and circumstance, about peacocking to the greatest possible degree, but when did that mean that all the fun had to be sucked out of the room? During the Oscars, Chris Rock had to change a joke from "Star Jones" to "Deacon Jones" so as not to offend Star, even though the joke made no real sense as it was? Sean Penn proved that Spicoli is dead with his passionate defense of... what, exactly? Jude Law? Was the handsome, rich, constantly working Jude really offended by Rock's innocuous remark? Doubt it--so why was Penn? More to the point, where does this new arbiter of what's art and who's an artist draw the line? What I mean by that is... why didn't he stick up for ROCKY 5, too?
Really, if you want to see how different the mood is in the two buildings, you only need to watch Robin Williams on back-to-back nights. Williams has a tendency (okay, a compulsion) to go overboard with the rapid-fire voices and jokes, and it can be really grating if it goes wrong. Like at the Oscars. Whereas at the Spirit Awards, free from worrying too much about dropping an errant "fuck," he was hilarious, ingratiating, maybe the best part of the entire day. At the Oscars, the smell of flop sweat came through the TV. He even used the same joke, the "nipples under your eyes" dated plastic surgery reference, and yet it worked on Saturday and fell flat on Sunday. It's the mood--the mood at the Oscars is just so deathly serious. It's an awards show, where 80% of the people nominated will walk out of there as losers (of the gold statue, not in life), so why not ease the pressure a bit? If the Spirit Awards are a clubhouse where friends can hang out and have fun, the Oscars are a library, with no talking out of turn allowed.
Every year, people complain that the Oscars are a gross, bloated and insensitive way for Hollywood to pat itself on the back while problems in the world persist. If Gil Cates has his way and continues to de-value the ceremony, he should at least cut down on that complaint. Meanwhile, the Spirit Awards spend two hours celebrating art--and movies feel like art there, not like the commerce they seem to be at the Oscars--and not taking themselves too seriously. For pure entertainment, there's no really no comparison any more.
Growing Up BRADY
This is no fault of the show itself, really, but it’d be fine with me if I never saw another BRADY BUNCH episode as long as I live. I realize this probably isn’t possible, because, much as I did when I was young, I expect that if I have kids, eventually they’ll come home from school and get hooked on the show, too. And I’ll admit that my teen crush on Maureen “Marcia” McCormick will probably always be a part of me.
Still, the first season of the show being released on DVD after all this time does nothing but feel me with ambivalence. But don’t let my bias get in the way if you’re still into the show—the DVD package is pretty nice, actually. From the front cover, with its hologram image
(it’s not really visible in the image you see here, but all the faces look at each other like in the show’s opening, when the box is tilted in various directions) to the two smaller sets inside (each mini-set is similar to the FUTURAMA DVD sets, with discs one and two inside one, three and four in the other).
As much as I’m deathly sick of the show itself, I thought maybe I’d check out the bonus features on this set. There’s a documentary called “The Brady Bunch—Coming Together Under One Roof.” That seems a good place to start.
Turns out, nope. Between the various BRADY TV-movies, tell-all books, talk show appearances and now reality show guest-spots, I think we’ve heard pretty much everything there is to hear about this show. Actually, we’ve all heard more than we needed. Greg was always the slightly creepy older brother—do we need to hear yet again that the actor who played him, Barry Williams, was attracted to his TV mom and oldest sister?
The problem with the documentary, other than it offering nothing new, was the participants: they only got Cindy (Susan Olsen), Greg and Peter (Christopher Knight). Marcia had the good sense to stay away, but she was the only one I was really interested in hearing from.
Along those lines, there is sporadic audio commentary on a few episodes, too. Some from series creator Sherwood Schwartz, who continues to make the show sound more important than it is, and some from Greg, Cindy and Peter. I made it through maybe five minutes of this commentary before having to get away from the TV and get some fresh air. The thing is, these were young kids when this show was made—they obviously weren’t cataloging details in their head in case someone invented the DVD in a couple decades down the line. They obviously either don’t remember too much, are already way too talked out about this show to have anything new to say, or just aren’t good conversationalists. You decide—this excerpted commentary comes from the episode “The Hero,” where Peter becomes a hero for saving a girl at a toy store:
Cindy:“I remember that little girl.”
Peter: “You do?”
Cindy: “Mm-hmm.”
[Awkward silence]
Cindy: “Look, there’s my doll. Kitty Carry-All!”
Greg: “Hi, Kitty Carry-All.”
[Awkward silence]
Greg: I’m one of the few people who was taught to pitch by Don Drysdale. How cool is that?
Cindy: It’s so cool!
[Awkward silence]
Greg: Look, you’re the only one in the show without blue eyes.
Peter: You’re right.
[Awkward silence]
Cindy: I’ve never been to the real Brady House, the exterior.
Greg: You haven’t?
[Awkward silence]
Greg: Let’s see if Marcia has her moles.
Cindy and Greg: There they are!
Cindy: When she got rid of her pigtales, she got rid of her moles.
[Awkward silence]
Cindy: Now, Michael [Lookinland, Bobby Brady] doesn’t have blue eyes.
Greg: He’s got green eyes…I’ve got these brown things.
[Awkward silence as I decide whether to bash my TV in with my head or just eject the DVD and go get some fresh air. I chose the latter.]
Beyond the commentary, you pretty much know what you're getting if you pick this DVD set up. So if you want to watch the Bradys and their complete first season, you now can. Just do yourself a favor and avoid the commentary…
Next Week: A chat with Roger Ebert about THE GREAT MOVIES II, writing for the Internet, how to approach reviewing movies, and more...
/chris
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